call me coward
call me picky
call me lousy
whatever
I just wanna do it right
I only have one shot
don’t want to mess
at the end of the day
it’s all me who take the consequences
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aku ingin mencintaiMu
bukan karena takut akan murkaMu
bukan pula karena inginkan sesuatu dariMu
MencintaiMu
bukan karena sebuah keharusan
melainkan karena memang mencintaiMu
Aku ingin mencintaiMu karena
Aku mencintaiMu
bukan karena lainnya
aku juga rasa,
aku juga lelah,
aku juga gundah.
aku juga . . .
Sama!
Hey Jane,
What’s in the heart of a woman?
I’m sure you were more than capable
to describe every little detail of it.
Yet, did you know what’s exactly in the heart of a man?
Well I doubt you had the knowledge on it.
You had lived your life so determined and firmed
You had the expertise of no women can be compared to you
Yet, look at you!
Were you sure you had an accomplished life?
In a way your heroines always had in your novels?
Hm.. I wish you could give me the answer.
Is there really an earnest soul that deserves the pure heart?
What if your belief is beyond existence?
And your understanding is misled?
That
The heroes is never have thought like the way
You thought they would? and
The heroines is too intimidating and too good to be desired of
I wonder
Was your pure heart just wasted?
And left in vain?
Just because you believed in fallacy
Now that you left the world
Have you ever regret the storyline of your life was?
If you had the chance to change your life and way of thinking
Would you do it?
And if you would
How would you do it?
Ah.. if only you could provide me your answer.
You scared
Weren’t you, Jane?
Was it all worth it?
No matter how I adore you
as an uber character of a great woman can be
I have no intention to lead my life the way you had
-if I have the power to do so-
Seriously, Jane
I’m afraid
I’ve just become
. . . another you.
you may know what my favorite dishes are,
what colours that I like,
what kind of allergic that I have.
You know me so effin well,
every little inch of me,
Yet I wonder why in the world,
after all this time,
you obviously do not know
what exactly makes my happiness
you keep pushing me saying ‘yes’
when you know exactly
that I want to say ‘no’
why can’t you take the fact
that we have difference understanding about what really defines my happiness
I mean if we seriously talk about my happiness
don’t you think it is natural for me
to know it better than you?!
Don’t you know?!
the more you force me to embrace
your definition of my happiness
the more unhappy I’d become.
Please,
You don’t want me to be unhappy
do you?!
I know that you love me
but sometimes
it’s just
so way too much
. . .
it’s killing me
if only there’s one,
to connect us,
I want a two-way road one
between he and I
so that we can meet
in the middle
…mmm it’s just me or I think I heard someone said ‘ditto!’ ?!
hey . . .
as I see it,
the person whom I’ve been looked at,
stands quite the same as I stand
walks the way I usually walk
runs and crawls like I’m used to run and crawl
so there is,
indeed
another version of me
hmm . . .
I feel strange yet familiar
as I look at it
it’s just that we’re on the opposite side of each other
he commands the wind,
I’m affected by the wind.
he summons the rain,
I feel the rain.
he’s a nocturnal,
I’m a diurnal.
that’s why we never run at each other
we’re just two different persons who shared a common way of life yet completely living on our each own world.
it is kind of my hobby
to lurk into time of my life.
It’s what, then, makes me notice something
that I’ve been talkin’ bout
a particular subject for years
it sounds like an old song,
a boring old song,
that keeps being played
over and over again.
anyhow, just like an old song
No matter how much I hate it
it played when it played
I must endure hearing it
or just change the channel or turn it off if
I have the power to do so
Unfortunately, I’m not
then I’ll just have to muster up ’till the song ends
it’ll come to an end anyway
It’s been one winter turned into spring
and just when the weather got hotter in one summer
it’s also not that much longer when the leaves started to fall
then when the leaves gone
it started to snow
and there comes winter again
It goes all over
again . .
and again
and again
It’s been a while now
. . a while
It took a year long to pass
just to see the flame trees bloom
It took me my first two years here
just to figure it out
Last blooming season was my fourth time
witnessing the spectacle
For how many more rounds would I’d be like this?
. . that
I don’t know
yesterday,
was my beloved nephew’s birthday
for some reason
I couldn’t make it to the party
almost six years back,
for some reason,
I tagged along my best friends,
playfully applied for a job vacancy
that somehow,
brought me here
and voila . . .
gotten me into this whole mess, at the moment
ha . . . ha
also,
within this past five years I annually trying to get myself outta here
struggling to pursue my long life dream
yet for some reason
it only making me
look like and feel like such a dumb-ass
for keep failing over and over again
phew
interesting!
-if not disappointing-
(considering the persistent and determination I had inside).
Long sentence shorts,
for some reason,
God keeping me here.
For whatever reason it is
I believe it’s a good one,
may God willing,
Amen.
(grin)
